Growing through grief and staying connected.
Intimacy and Grief – Moving Through It. Learn how to move through it as you maneuver the ups and the down.
It’s not talked about (much) at least not openly. So, let’s have an open conversation about it and get it out there, shall we?
Intimacy and grief. Yes, it’s a thing.
Take a deep breath and take the word in. Grief. Feel the feeling you associate with it when you say it, and let it pass.
Ahhhhhh…Just like that.
Deep breaths, one more time. In through your nose and out through you mouth. Nice.
Now, where were we.
Oh yeah.
Intimacy and grief.
Intimacy while grieving.
We need to first realize there are many types, but the ones most prominent and should be focused on are mental, spiritual, emotional and physical. Because each of these hold an important piece to any relationship and is affected in its own way.
You can read more about these four different types of intimacy here, on PsychCentral.com and I’ll share a few key points below.
- Physical intimacy – Not exclusive to romantic partners. Refers to body closeness such as hugging, cuddling, holding hands. It depends on the relationship.
- Emotional intimacy – “Being emotionally intimate with another person means being transparent with your deepest feelings, fears, and thoughts. It involves feeling safe and not judged.” The feeling is mutual between partners.
- Mental intimacy – “Mental intimacy refers to sharing your ideas, opinions, and life perspectives.” Important to offer mutual respect even when disagreeing.
4. Spiritual intimacy – “Spiritual intimacy means feeling close, validated, and safe sharing your innermost ideas and beliefs on life’s purpose and your connection with divine energies.” Even if your views are different on spirit, universe, or not believing in anything at all—being able to discuss it with an open mind and open heart is key.
Fulfilling all of these when we’re at our best is hard enough, let alone while grieving a dear, loved one. So, here’s your reminder to be patient with yourself and with your partner! Realize the loss itself will be felt by both of you, no matter who lost whom.
Grief can cause sexual heightens OR deplete the mood completely. Alternatively, some find themselves frozen with Zero desire to touch or be touched, while others get so totally lost in it, that they forget completely about the darkness looming, if even for the moments of said physical intimacy. If you haven’t experienced this, you’re lucky. If you have, know you’re not alone.
How can we move passed it?
Talk about it! Spend some time getting mentally and emotionally intimate. Talking about your feelings and why you feel the way you do is important. IF you are supporting your partner, simply being present and in the moment will show your love and support. Read more here about mindset too. It make a huge impact.
Intimacy Without Sex
Let’s talk about getting close with your partner without touching one another. Let’s discuss the benefits and sweetness of intimacy with out sex.
Gasp! Yes. It’s possible!
Building alternative types of intimacy will help your relationship grow, and will also move you though the darkness of grief. Below are a few ways you can show your love and support through other types of intimate acts.
Build Intimacy With These Five Simple Actions.
1. Love Notes
Don’t underestimate the power of a love note. It’s a happy surprise and brings a smile. a. A sticky not on a coffee pot or steering wheel works perfectly. They will appreciate your love and thoughtfulness.
2. Music
Turn on their favorite music, or yours! Get lost in the different rhythms and beats and feeeeeel yourself vibe with the tunes.
One of my ALL TIME favorites is “Dancing Around My Grave” by Andy Franco and the UN. It’s happy, and upbeat, and really puts a smile on your face when you hear it.
3. Board games
Simple board games are another good way to be intimate without sex too. It also allows you time to talk about your feelings and that’s a form of intimacy too. Keep the games easy so the focus is on connection, not learning a new game.
Try games like UNO, Yahtzee, or Jenga could work well here too. Remember…Keep it light!
4. Walk together
Being outside, walking and talking will help too. The exercise will help to move through the feelings which will come and go all throughout life.
5. SMILE
A simple smile is contagious. Try it! Remember Buddy Elf? Smiling was his favorite. Well, make smiling your favorite too. Smiling offers a non verbal message of acceptance and love.
Experiment time! Smile at the next person who walks by you. Did they smile back?
It’s the little things.
Learn to embrace every moment. The good ones and the bad, the little ones and the big ones too. By doing so, we can better appreciate those who care about us, as much as we care about them. And we can do it in a manner where each of us feels respected, safe, heard and loved.
Until next time, be well, and kind to one another.
