The reality is…
Let’s face it. We’re not always in the mood for sex, even when our partners are. It’s an un-welcomed truth no one really likes to talk about, but that there’s real pressure behind. That’s why I decided to write about it here. If I was feeling it at times, I knew others had to be feeling it too.
Our busy lives have us going in so many different directions, that when it comes time for intimacy, we simply tap out saying, “I’m too tired.” Or “Let’s wait, and start earlier tomorrow.”
We’ve already had an eight to ten hour workday, most of us that is. Now the second part of our days begin which is to say, once we get home we still get to walk Fido, make dinner, pay some bills, and have a snack before bed. If we’re lucky, watch a TV show before our eyes get so heavy they close on us before our program is even over. Sound familiar?
When we’ve spent most of our days tackling our everyday responsibilities, coming home to an intimate encounter with our partner, sometimes just seems like a chore.
But it doesn’t have to! We can still take care of our everyday responsibilities and have intimacy IN THE SAME DAY, when we put our minds to it.
It All Starts With A Mindset
We’ve heard people tell others, or maybe you yourself have been told, “It’s all in your head!”
Well guess what? They’re right. It IS all in your head.
This book by Brayden James, Change Your Mindset, can help if you’re willing to put in the effort.
The fact is, it IS all in our heads. With the right mindsets, just about anything can be accomplished. Including sex! Yes, even when you’re not in the mood. I’ve seen people actually transform their lives in different areas, simply by changing their mindsets. Here are a few ways to help change yours, when you’re just not feeling in the mood.
Dress as if you’re going on a date. Because you ARE!
Take a shower. Clean all your bits and pieces and shave for goodness sake! Man-scape. Pluck. Tweeze! Put deodorant on. Moisturize. You’ve read it before, so I’ll reiterate. When you look good, you feel good
Yes, it will take extra time out of your already crammed day, but trust me! You will be relieved you took the time. Especially when your partner starts to go down on you when you least expect it. You want to be clean and ready. Edible like.
You know what?
When you feel good, you generally look freaking amazing too. One goes with the other. Kind of like peanut butter and jelly.
So, take the time to make yourself look and feel good. This way you can deliver the sexy time you know you’re capable of, with confidence.
Women
Ladies first!
You’re getting yourself ready mentally and physically because you want to share an intimate encounter with your partner. Congratulations! You’re already halfway there.
In general, we as women, have a harder time getting in the mood than men do. It just is. These few practices will help you, like they’ve helped me.
Use Your Imagination & picture it
Take a moment or two, or three (you get the point) and really visualize what you want to see happen for the evening. You’re in control of it. You always are. You knew that though.
Do you want a quickie? Do you want something a little longer? Would you be up for a marathon perhaps? It sounds crazy to think about, but it helps to guide the evening and puts your mind in motion.
Envision the flow
Now that you’re all cleaned up and ready for a sexy time, deciding how you want the evening to play out is next.
What music will you play? Look for the free downloadable PDF with my top 15 sexy song choices to help you get in the mood even when your not.
Keep on visualizing What will you wear? Will you dress sexy? Naked maybe? Sometimes a simple T-Shirt can be so sinfully seductive.
All these questions may seem irrational, but when your mind has a plan, guess what? It wants to follow through with it!
As a result, your plan is played out and your body follows suit, reacting, as it should, to all things sexy.
Men
I talked with a few men and asked them what gets them in the mood even when they’re not, and here’s what I learned. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two too!
Visualize
See the pattern here?
Most men are visual and what you see does affect your erections.
It’s a consensus that porn, although maybe not conventional in some homes, helps to get the juices flowing. If you can’t watch it, do what the ladies do, and visualize.
Visualize the erotic scenes you may want to play out, or simply fantasies. It’s called fantasizing for a reason. You can imagine anything your heart, or cock, desires. Use it as fuel, and more easily be in the mood.
make yourself feel better by…
Something as easy as a few pushup or sit-up’s can give you a boost too. Exercise is known to be an endorphin releaser, so choose an exercise you like to do, and do it. Perhaps an exercise ball is in your future?
Maybe you could use a haircut as a way to freshen up your look. It could make you feel better. Looking good is feeling good, and feeling good boosts confidence and sexual energy.
IN THE END
IN THE END, The decision to just say no to sex IS ALWAYS an option. Let’s be crystal clear on this. These tips and tricks are designed to help those who are simply tired of always saying no.
I’ve been together with my husband (I’m aging myself now) for over 30 years. I’ve had to learn what works and doesn’t work for me. Just as you’ll have to learn what works, and what doesn’t, for you too.
Getting in the mood for sex, even when your not, has a wonderful silver lining I want to be sure to point out.
The release which is felt during and after our orgasms, is enough to give us ladies the burst of energy we’ve been looking for and offers our men the much needed relaxation they couldn’t seem to find otherwise.
Win! Win!
Oh! And don’t forget to download the free PDF with my top 15 sexy song choices to really get you…in the mood.
Until next time, be well, and kind to one another.
